


Ode to a World

by bougiles



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 14:16:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4709024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bougiles/pseuds/bougiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl wavers with the idea of a new position in this world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ode to a World

_"I've always been in this sort of perpetual state of existential longing. I feel like something's missing.”_ -Juliana Hatfield

Under a shunting sky, blanketed with a thin layer of clouds, the sun shone dimly on the various ordnants and waving waters. She was ankle deep in crystal clear water that gently pulled and pushed, though too weak to push her over. A tall monolith stood lonesome, consisting of stacked, thick pillars that rose high and proudly. On the top wove a pink flag that claimed victory between this brief battle that took place only yesterday. Every pillar was wrapped with vines, littered with wide leaves that were draped with water droplets. It looked like a broken cathedral in Pearl's opinion---of all this diocesan architecture, it was obvious that time had worn it down, age was obvious. Between two pillars, balanced a monumental portrait of stained glass. It appeared to be angels circling a child and a lamb, many colors smearing the cold grey ground.

She sighs useless air with artificial lungs, running her fingers over the ridged sides of the pillars, feeling every crack and crevice that collected dust. She looks up, the sun shining brim through Cumulonimbus clouds that piled high. The were grey but a beautiful tint, their outlining softly graced with a bright shine from the sun. She looks down. A large sundial stands slanted from the ground, casting a soft shadow. She looks aside of it, seeing a thick broken sword, newly broken, laying solitary, glinting and blinking from the sun's gleam. She squints, bending down and picking it up slowly, pursing lips into a thin line. She saw her reflection. It didn't look like her. She didn't see Pearl. Shaking her head of the thought, she tilts the shining blade, to see a tall pink figure standing a distance away. She freezes, the handle tumbling from her hands.  
“Oh!” She exclaimed, quickly swiping it up before it touched the ground. A small chuckle is resonated through the broken building. She turns, seeing Rose standing there, leaning against worn down bricks recently smashed from recent events. Pearl remembers how it was broken. A huge gem materialized it with a sledgehammer that was bigger than Pearl had ever seen. She smiles sheepishly, feeling her cheeks heat up blue in embarrassment. She stands up straight, clearing her throat momentarily, tucking a trill of peachy hair behind her hair.

“Rose, hello. I was just...”  
“Thinking?”

Pearl smiles sadly and nods, her throat making her words breathy. “ _Yes_. Thinking.”  
Rose returns the smile, knowing full and well what Pearl meant. A moment of silence subdued Pearl to put the sword down, walking to the nearest ledge of the cathedral, her hand finding refuge onto the ridged surface of a thick pillar. She looks up at the sky, watching dust particles sift and dance with the wind. They were bright with the sun's reflection. Rose treads beside Pearl, looking at what she was looking at.  
“...You know, I read a myth that the bright dust are actually small sylphs that appear when something terrible has happened.” She sweeps her gaze down at Pearl, folding her hands behind her back.  
“Myths are a daft thing, aren't they, Rose?” Pearl chuckled at the thought, folding her knees under her being, sliding them down under her. She put her hands in her lap, looking down at her hands. They were scarred and rough, use to handling objects. When are they not.  
Rose sees this and copies Pearl's action, accepts lets her feet dip into the swaying water, hands at her side to lean on.“Penny for your thoughts?”

Pearl looks up at Rose, whom is looking at the clouds, seeing how the light brilliantly reflecting off her plump skin. She hears angels sings, but blinks, looking away. She takes a moment to bring up an excuse, because she knows of her position, she knows of her role.  
“I'm just … thinking. That's it.”  
“Now, I know that's what you're not saying what's really on your mind.”

She jerks her head away from Rose, her shoulder know leaning on the pillar, her hand slowly running up the compressed one. She sighs softly, all conduits of escaping her lying burning out with a single light.

“Do you know what it feels to be like an outcast, Rose?”

The question makes Rose look down at a confused Pearl, who looked like she was trying to comprehend her own words. It made the smile from Rose's lips fade, Pearl looking up at Rose expectantly.  
“Yes, I do, Pearl.”  
“How?” Her voice cracked softly--Pearl spit immediately, the retched feeling how heaviness pulling out her throat, like she was going to cry.  
“Well...” Rose looks down at the dusty ground, tracing her fingers along the cement that divided the glossy tiles. For a building so old, they both wondered how it managed high maintenance. “I abandoned my role at Homeworld and betrayed them. I was an outcast instantly.”  
“I...” Pearl started, swallowing thickly, swaying her head, trying to clear it. How did she become to emotional so quickly? “... know I don't make any sense. I'm sorr---”  
“Don't be.” Rose interrupted. “I love listening to you, Pearl.”  
Pearl lets her mouth drop open, at a lost for words. It made her forget what she was thinking, saying. _She's speaking to me. Like that. A Pearl._ Oh yeah, she remembers now.

She closes it, sweeping her gaze away from Rose's.  
“... I just keep thinking my role, here.”  
“What do you mean?” Rose almost sounded offensive.  
“Me. My role. I never expected war to be like this.”  
“...That's how war usually is, believe me, this is my first time, as well...”  
“But, Rose. I'm a _pearl_. You know what we do. We aren't made for this.”

Rose freezes, looking at Pearl for a long time. Pearl's eyes widened the size of table plates, biting her tongue quickly. She overstepped her boundaries. Rose wouldn't understand. No one did. Pearls had such status on Homeworld, they were rare of defiance but well known of obediance. “Pearl,” Rose states, but Pearl looks away quickly. Her eyes get blurry. Are those .. tears?

“No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.” She's quick to jump to conclusions. She looks behind her, seeing the colors of the stained glass fade as a cloud passes by a sun that illuminated them. She shouldn't have brought up the subject.  
“...I just,” Pearl says, barely above a whisper, “I'm having second thoughts of if I should play this part.” She whispered horridly, looking at her reflection in the clear water. It showed somebody who she was not. She was just a Pearl.  
“Pearl,” Rose started, softly. She shifts closer to Pearl, looking down at the water. She saw nothing. She saw a swaying, blurry mock of Pearl. “I had no idea you felt like this.”  
“Most people don't.” She mutters, looking away, a tear spilling over and trailing down her nose, tripping onto her hand. She was the only Pearl in the rebellion that fought the wars and survived. She was the outcast, along side of Fluorites, Rubys, Sapphires, Morganites- the list can go on. If only she could muster up some confidence, Pearl could be acknowledged as a loyal servant, a comrade, a friend. Being a Pearl on Homeworld gave her no recognition, but no, Pearl knew there was something different about her. She knew it the day she was created. She remembers it clearly.

_They were all examining her, poking at her limbs and scrutinizing her gem for her faults or misdemeanors. They lifted her arms, scoped at her legs, made her stand, walk, balance. They asked her a series of questions that was excruciatingly long._  
_“Your name is Pearl. Your ID is KPC 456-38A1-9B01. Moves your head, legs, arms, and bend.”_  
_She remembers doing those all. Perfectly._  
_“Circular gyration, check.”_  
_“From now on, you will serve, obey, and undergo all commands you are given. Your role is .. kindergarten coordinator. Understand?”_  
_“Yes.” It came out as a whisper._  
_They looked at each other, but said nothing. “...Initialization and memorization, check. Go ahead, take a few steps.”_  
_Walking for the first time was a wonderful, vivid experience. Balance was special, to Pearl, toes first and heels second. Reverse._  
_“Locomotion and equilibrium, check. Restate your purpose.”_  
_“I will server, obey, and … undergo all commands. I am a kindergarten coordinator.”_  
_“Good. Stand here, please.” She remembers .. lights. Everywhere. Technology was circulating her, checking her eyes, mouth, hands, feet. She was perfect. But they forgot one thing._  
_“Okay, she's ready. Ship her off.” She heard them murmur._  
_“Ship me off, where?” She spoke up, a hand patting down an electric hand to see over it. They looked at each other, questionable. Pearls do not speak out of turn._  
_“The kindergarten.” One spoke back sternly, pressing multitudes of buttons so quickly. “Speak when spoken to.” Pearl blinked, bowed her head, nodding softly._  
_She knew what she was._

She shakes her head of the haunting memory. She looks back at Rose, who was staring at her with wide eyes. She smiles suddenly, forlorn. It seemed pitiful to Pearl, at the most.  
“Pearl, I know you're different from the rest, but,”  
“I know I am, Rose! But why, why me?”  
“--But, that's what makes you so special.”  
“I don't understand, Rose.” Rose shakes her head, looking at the vines the lay, connecting to it's stem, branching off the ground to the pillar. She picks off a small, white flower with five petals, each arching sharply. With an unoccupied hand, she shifts it on top of Pearl's, putting the small flower in the palm.  
“Each life has a purpose, for example, this one.” She says softly. Pearl can feel Rose's warm breath on her cheek, making her shiver silently. “It is small, but it is important, Pearl. It doesn't see the grand design, but it's part of something big. Something more than it will ever know. You must look at it through someone else's eyes.”  
“Rose, I...” She encloses her fingers delicately over the small flower.  
“Pearl, I think you're very important.”

Pearl smiles up at Rose crestfallen, smoothing the flower between them. She had no other words upon the subject.

Instead she lifts herself up, deciding that she was tired of sitting and staring at some face she didn't know, rotating on her heals, looking up at the warm colors of the broken cathedral. She lets the light wash over her, shifting her gaze to a sculpture of a woman, a translucent cloth made of stone draping over her head, holding a baby in her arms. The architecture was truly magnificent in here. She sighs silently, looking back at Rose.

“Sometimes, I wonder, if I'm not the only one.” Rose climbs back onto her feet, slowly following Pearl. She gazes curiously at her. Pearl looked luminescent in the daylight, the many colors she entered from the stained glass. They shone on her gem and were intensely vivid on her pale skin. Pearl stares up at the anaglyphic parian with sad eyes, glancing at Rose. She was watching in wonder. She drags her feet across the marble that engraved a cross, a wave of longing her body swept. Hungry for familiar ways, she turns to Rose, advancing to a knee, bowing her head. She was genuflecting.  
“Oh, Pearl..” Rose whispered, putting a hand to her lips.  
“Rose,” Pearl starts, closing her eyes tightly that it hurt, “I know this won't mean much, I know I probably won't last long, but please understand.” She speaks in a deferential tone, low. “I want to be by your side, I do, I... just want to be beneficial. You,” she whispers, “gave me a new perspective of life. Here. Everywhere.” She looks up at Rose.  
Rose seemed to be in awe, which sparked a sense of fire yet apprehension inside Pearl. She lowers her head again. She had never felt so human int this moment.

Rose bent down and took Pearl by the arms, lifting her up to her feet. She smiles softly, eyes glazing, her touch slow and soft. She shakes her head, pink trills bouncing in the process. Pearl stares at her in accolade, mouth parting so slightly in wonderment.

“No more of that,” Rose wipes tears unspilled, tutting herself for such a display, “No more of bowing. Stand tall, stand proud, Pearl.” She gushes with excitement, grinning. Pearl's lips twitch in a small smile.  
“You are your own gem now. Don't treat me as a superior--treat me as a _friend_.”

Pearl hesitated slowly, but nodded, a smile now stretching her lips. She was her own gem. Obviously there was no other Pearl like her, and if there was, they knew what they were. Her hands are hungry for intimate sensation from Rose- to hug her all over, run her greedy fingers over her soft skin. But she refrains.

But they both this is the start of something new.

**Author's Note:**

> First work for ao3, but we'll see where it gets us. Or me, at least.


End file.
